Feeling Sorry For Myself

So yesterday I went and bought vodka. Today I can safely say it was a stupid idea! 

I bought a half bottle and drunk the lot to myself. I was more than a tad drunk. And this morning I felt very delicate and sorry for myself. 

It didn't help at all. It made me not think about everything last night, but thats it. And I felt so ill this morning its not worth it. I knew it wouldn't help, not really. But I had to try and do something. 

The more time passes the more everyone just moves on. It's not been a week yet and already no one is mentioning it. 

My mom called me up today, crying about work. I comforted her, cos thats what you do, but inside I was screaming. Seriously like... really? I've lost a child & your bitching and moaning about a stupid warning at work. Wow, thats really the same! Thank you so much for putting that on me. 

I've had my aunt round today, doing what she does best, having sly digs at my parenting. 

I am SICK of being the nice guy. I'm sick of doing things I hate for other people, only to have it thrown in my face. 

I HATE her being around my child. I'm scared her sense of entitlement will rub off on him & he'll turn into the same spoilt little brat she is. 

Y'know...I got up this morning and I felt too ill to still be angry. Now I feel sick I'm so pissed off with the world today. 

I can't wait for tomorrow, when Carl gets here and we can shut out the world for a couple of days.

I seriously want people to back the fuck off right now. 

I'm still so angry and innocent people are in the firing line instead of the guilty ones. 

I want to just run away, run back to before, when I was young and stupid and I could go out to gigs & go drinking & answer to no one. I miss my friends, we've all grown up and grown apart.

I love Josh to absolute death, but I do wish I could go back. 

There are things I wish I could do, but I'm stuck now. 

Don't grow up, its a fucking trap.

I wish I'd had the situtations in life I have now, when I was younger. 

I got trapped in a head fuck relationship for 3 years. I was only 17, so young. I could have spent the last 3 yrs doing as I pleased instead of living in hell. 

It's all just fucked up. I HATE feeling like this. 

I should have bought 2 bottles of vodka. Thats all I keep thinking. Although... maybe I wouldn't drink so much this time around. 

Lesson learned.